Chapter Four

‘Why do you have to go?’, ‘It’s a university trip’.  ‘Why can’t I come?’, ‘you’re not at university’.  This is how the argument with Sally had gone every night for four months and Sam was getting  pretty sick of it.  

He looked at her sometimes and a hate so pure enveloped him and all he wanted to do was punch her in the face.  He never would do this, firstly he would never hit a girl, secondly she was three times the size of him and would kill him with one blow.  

She insisted on seeing him off so when the time finally arrived for  the intrepid explorers to leave for Oxford there they stood next to the coach, Sally clinging to Sam’s neck like a demented monkey screaming and wailing, ‘I’m only going for three day Sal, please calm down and…’ ‘I… cant…. help it… Sam I love you’ a snot bubble exploded from her left nostril and it dawned on Sam that snot shouldn’t be him main focus at the minute.  He gave her a hug and prised himself away from her, climbing onto the bus and taking his seat next to Liam before she could get on the damn thing with him.

‘You’re quiet again’ Liam said, bringing Sam out of his daydream, ‘Am I?  Sorry I was miles away’.  ‘What were you thinking?’ he asked.  You don’t wanna know, was what Sam thought, ‘oh nothing much’ was what he replied.  ‘Your such hard work Sam when your like this, you really are’, Liam wasn’t angry, it was more an observation.  Sam knew he was being a terrible friend but as much as he wanted to be around Liam the actual act broke his heart every time he stared into those big brown eyes.  All he could do was smile, ‘So Liam’ Sam said composing himself, ‘what’s new with you?’  ‘Well actually I’m glad you asked’ he responded more animated, ‘I’ve decided I’m gonna move out of home and rent myself a little flat, and I’m going to ask Jo to move in with me’.  Liam looked at Sam expectantly, waiting for his best mate to tell him that it was wonderful news, that he was happy and excited for him, that he wished him all the luck and happiness in the world.  Sam wanted to say these things but they would not form on his lips; the words chocked him until he thought he couldn’t breathe any longer.  In the end he managed to smile, ‘that’s… that’s fantastic news mate, I’m really pleased for you’, and with that Sam put his headphones in his ears and turned to look out the window, the tears stinging in his eyes the sound of Sarah McLachlan crying in his ears.  It was some where between Banbury and Bicester that Sam realised he couldn’t be friends with Liam anymore.

Liam sat and stared at the back of his best friends head.  What was wrong with this man that he can’t even be happy for me when I share the biggest news ever with him?  Why was he acting like this?  How many chances do I have to give him?  It was somewhere between Bicester and Binsey that Liam realised this couldn’t go on much longer and something had to give.

By the time they arrived in Oxford James was running around over excited like a child who had eaten ten packets of Smarties, Sara was desperate for the loo and Jane was desperate for food, three hours without having a pie in her mouth was something of a miracle.  Sam felt dreadful but had decided Oxford was not the best place to break up with his best friend so he decided to suck it up and get on with the weekend.

The house they were staying in looked like something from a horror movie.  A three story decrepit Victorian detached set in grounds so overgrown Sam wondered if he’d find Narnia the other side of the brambles.  ‘Apparently it’s haunted’, Jane said sneaking up behind Liam.  ‘Stop it Jane’ Sam smirked, ‘you know Liam’s scared of ghosts’.  ‘No I am not’ he snapped, ‘things like that don’t bother me’.  ‘OK’ Jane replied, ‘just hope you don’t get room fourteen then’.  ‘Why?’ Liam asked suddenly more interested a slight tremor in his voice.  Sam couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Liam screaming all the way through A Nightmare On Elm Street that they had all tricked him into watching one Saturday night.  ‘Oh, nothing’ she replied, ‘just something about someone being killed in there and the spirit still haunts the bedroom as she seeks her husband to exact revenge, well something like that anyway’, she smiled.  Liam looked panic stricken but this changed to a look of pure horror when they handed us the keys to room fourteen.  ‘Come on you big girl, I’ll look after you’ said Sam as he grabbed his bag and they made there way up the rickety flight of stairs.

There bedroom was like something out of a 1970’s porno film, two single beds were separated by a table, a light perched on top with more tassels then a go-go dancer on acid.  The smell was something that hadn’t greeted Sam’s nostrils before but it certainly smelt like someone had died in there.  Liam opened the window to let some fresh air in, ‘well this is… erm, well pleasant?’ he said.  Sam couldn’t help but laugh, in fact he laughed so hard he had to sit down.  Liam joined him and pretty soon nether of them could breathe.   BY the time the laughter had died Sam felt better and Liam couldn’t help but think how good it was to see his friend happy again.

‘So.  What now?’ Sam wondered out loud.  ‘well we have to meet in the lobby in about ten minutes so I’m going to get changed out these sweaty clothes and I don’t know about you but I’m gagging for a drink’.  Sam assumed Liam would go into the bathroom to change but instead he just took his clothes off there and then.  He pulled his tight white T shirt over his broad shoulders and there it was, something Sam had wanted to see for twelve months, Liam with his top off.  He wasn’t disappointed.  He tried to not look but he couldn’t help take in his tight abs and ample Pecs, dark hair covered them and Sam realised suddenly that it was something he liked.  He undid the top button of his blue jeans and with every pop of a button Sam’s heart raced even faster till he thought he was going to go into arrest.  ‘What’s up’ Liam asked suddenly, Sam became more aware that he was drooling.  ‘Nothing.’ He responded a little too quickly, ‘I mean, nothing’ he continued trying to compose himself, ‘I… I need to loo’.  Sam rushed into the bathroom and had a wank so vigorous he thought his cock was going to come away in his hands, he had never felt so aroused in all his life.

He couldn’t get the image of Liam standing there in just a tight pair of white Calvin Klein’s for the rest of the day.  They were supposed to be ‘enjoying’ a lecture on the colleges of Oxford and Cambridge but all Sam wanted to do was go back to the room and have a cold shower, this was not good for his health. 

‘So Sam, please tell the rest of the group when Exeter College was erected.  Sam?’  Dr Fellows bellowed across the room.  Sam snapped out of his daydream suddenly aware a room full of people were staring at him.  Sam hadn’t even heard the question but he could see Liam mouthing an answer to him from the other side of the room but he couldn’t make out if he was saying 1314 or 1514 so he opted for 1514, nothing could be that old surely?  Liam’s look told him he was wrong, ‘No Mr Dent you are two hundred years out, but had you been listening you would have known the answer as I told your colleagues this just two minutes ago’.  He gave Sam that sanctimonious look he was so good at giving.  God he hated that man.

‘So the plan is we get the train into Oxford, get hammered, get some pussy and bag the last train back well before Dr Doom even knows we left’.  ‘James’ said Liam, ‘why the fuck are you talking like that?  You have never said the word pussy in your life let alone bagged any’.  ‘I’m just trying something out’ James replied, not a bit put down by Liam’s comment.  ‘well don’t’ Liam replied, ‘it’s disgusting talking like that in front of a lady, Sam doesn’t like it’, a grin spread across his face and Sam smacked him in the arm, ‘I fucking hate you Liam Cachetta’.  ‘Erm… no you don’t’.  ‘No.  I do.  Now can we please get out of here I need a drink’.

Seven pints, ten shots and a kebab later and the boys finally made it back to the hotel, not a bit of pussy had been had by James, he was more worried about getting the sick out of his jumper then what he might have missed out on and by the time his head hit the pillow he was fast asleep.

Sam sat in the bedroom looking at Liam as he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.  He had never felt so ill in his life, he always drank too much, he didn’t know when to stop.  Liam on the other hand was as fresh as a daisy.  ‘Why are you not really really drunk Liam’ Sam slurred, Liam laughed before responding, ‘because I’m not a big puff Sam’, ‘yeah, and that’s half the problem’ Sam whispered, ‘what?’ Liam asked.  Sam remained quiet.

‘So, you have a good night?’ Liam asked, ‘yeah… yeah it was good’ Sam managed to say extending each word into a drunken slur.  Liam laughed, ‘I’m glad to see you smiling again’. 

Sam suddenly had an overwhelming desire to cry, and so he did.  For the first time in his life he cried in front of someone and once he started he couldn’t stop.

‘Sam, what’s up, why are you crying?’

Sam ignored him, unable to speak even if he wanted to.  Liam came over and sat next to him.  ‘Come on tell me mate, I’m here for you, whatever it is, whatever you need’.

‘I can’t tell you’ Sam managed in-between sobs, ‘what did you say Sam, I can’t hear you if you keep your face in your hands’.

Sam looked at Liam through his red tear stained eyes, ‘I said, I can’t tell you Liam, please don’t push it’.

‘Well what do you want me to do leave you crying?’

‘Yes, please do’.

‘NO!’ Liam shouted making himself and Sam jump in shock, ‘NO, I won’t , not any more, you have been like this since Christmas and I’ve let it slide but to be honest your really fucking pissing me off, now for god sake spit it out Sam, I can’t take it much more’.

Sam had never heard Liam speak like this, he never really swore and he never got angry, especially with Sam.

‘Liam… you’re my best friend, but I can’t tell you this, I can’t…’

‘WHY’ he screamed again, ‘what can be so bad you can’t tell me Samuel’.

Sam started to cry again, ‘if I tell you it will ruin so much, it will ruin us, ruin our friendship and I cant…’

‘Sam I’m warning you now, the way you have been acting is ruining our friendship, my patience is running thin and I can’t take much more of this shit you keep giving me, so I’ll ask you one more time, tell me what the fuck is going on’.

Sam looked at Liam, stared into those big brown eyes he had admired for so many months.  He could see anger there now, he was pissed off and at the end of his tether.  Sam had nothing left to lose, he was losing Liam anyway, this way he’d make the break.  He would give up uni, leave his friends behind, forget Liam forget everything they had shared and experienced the last twelve months.  He would tell him the truth now and then go back to Sally and live a lie for the rest of his life, he would tell him the truth now because he was drunk and it gave him the confidence, he would tell him the truth now because he had nothing left to lose.

‘Liam… I love you.’  Sam suddenly felt composed and at ease, this needed to be said. 

‘And I don’t mean as a friend.  I mean I am absolutely, categorically head over heels stupidly in love you and I have been since the moment I met you.  And I’m scared because I don’t know what to do anymore Liam.  I don’t know what to do’.

Liam looked at him for what seemed like an age, no expression on his face. 

He looked him deep in the eyes; his bottom lip quivered before he stood up and left the room.  Sam burst into tears as the door slammed shut. 

Liam was gone.