Sara’s Christmas parties were legendary. Apparently. So they had all heard. No one was surprised to find the invitation crash on their mat sometime at the end of November inviting them to the Mr/s Smithe-Fortesques annual ‘Christmas Bash at the Mansion’.
Sam had heard so much about the ‘mansion’ that he couldn’t wait to see it, but he also knew that Liam was going with his new girlfriend. He hadn’t spoken to Liam for over three weeks, he had ignored his texts, his calls and in the end he had turned his phone off. As time went on the texts stopped. Sam felt awful, he missed his friend but he knew he had to do this, he couldn’t be around him.
He decided in the end that he would go to the party, but he wasn’t taking Sally, he couldn’t bear to look at her most of the time anymore so he told her she wasn’t invited, instead he arranged with James that they would go together.
As they approached the mansion it was obvious that it was everything, and more that Sara had said. Wrought iron gates opened onto a large gravel drive with a fountain in the middle, manicured bushes around the edge of the drive that spanned the front of the enormous double fronted, perfectly symmetrical Buckingham Palace-wannabe house. New money his mom would have called it.
‘Fuck me’ James exclaimed, ‘I knew she was a bit posh but… fuck me!’.
The opulence of the exterior was nothing compared to what greeted him on the inside, he had never needed to use the word lavish before, but even that didn’t cover it. A large marble floor led to the grand staircase, chandeliers filled the ceiling casting a glorious light on the walls filled with picture after picture of what he assumed were family.
‘Oh you made it’ screamed Sara as she burst through, what she later described as the drawing room doors. ‘It’s so lovely to see you Sam’ and she threw her arms around his neck then she hugged James but not with quite so much vigour.
‘This is wonderful place you have Sara’ James spat, his braces still caused saliva to be dispensed over anyone in a three mile radius. ‘Yeah… thanks’ she replied as she wiped the spit from her left cheek, ‘So Sam, tell me all about your holidays so far… oh and you must meet mommy and daddy in a mo, I’ve told them all about you and…’
Sam managed to switch off as he surveyed the room taking in all the people dressed is fancy suits and expensive ball gowns, he couldn’t help but feel dressed down in his blue jeans, blue jumper and tatty blue trainers. His long greasy curtains hung like two dead rats over his greasy forehead. How the other half live, he thought to himself.
‘Oh look’ exclaimed James, clearly faking a posh accent and shaking Sam from his reverie, ‘here’s Liam and Jo’. Sam suddenly became incredibly sweaty, a panic enveloped him and he felt nauseous. He didn’t know where to look, he began to fidget and he looked inappropriate. He wished he hadn’t come and instead of doing the right thing and speaking to them he ran off heading for the stairs almost knocking two old ladies over in the process.
An hour later when no on had come to see where he was he decided to risk a look around. He left the bathroom, which was the size of his mom and dad’s bedroom, and looked over the balcony at the hordes of people enjoying their Christmas party. He spotted Liam and Jo in the corner of the room, alone. They looked so happy, so natural together. He was whispering something and she was laughing. It was clear they were in love and very happy. A jealously surged through his body like something he had never experienced before and he hated himself for feeling like that, but he couldn’t help it. Tears welled in his eyes, stinging him so that he had to squeeze them together. He had never felt so alone, so confused and so anxious about the future. He didn’t want to have these feelings for Liam, they scared him to death. Being gay was not him, this was not right. He was with Sally and that was that. He needed to get out of there.
‘Oh Sam there you are’ Sara screamed as she turned the corner, I’ve been looking all over for you, where have you been?’ ‘I, erm, I don’t feel very well, been a bit sick’ he lied. ‘Oh you poor poor thing’ she exclaimed a little to over the top. He could tell she was drunk, her words slurred, her lipstick was smeared across her face and she could hardly walk in a straight line. She looked a mess and it was nine thirty. ‘Come with me Sam’ she said as she clung onto him arm, ‘I want to show you something’.
He followed her along the landing into what he assumed was her bedroom. It was twice the size of his at home, the carpet on the floor was so thick he felt like he was walking on a cloud, it had three windows, two overlooking the acres of back garden the third over looked the fields to the side of the house that her family also owned. Again he was shocked at why she was attending such a normal, working class university. ‘My mommy and daddy didn’t want me to go to a uni in Birmingham’ she stated as if she had read his mind, ‘they think it’s full of ruffians. They are probably right’ she added almost as an afterthought. She sat on her queen size bed, it looked so comfortable he almost wanted to get into it and sleep away his pain. ‘But I didn’t want to go to a posh university Sam, I had done that with primary and secondary school, I wanted to be with normal people, like you and James and Liam’. He didn’t reply, he couldn’t be bothered so he let her ramble on. A while later she stood up, looking serious for the first time since they had entered the room. ‘Sam I need to tell you something…’ He waited, she just stared at him expectantly. ‘spit it out then’ he said, wanting to get this over with. ‘It’s something no one else knows Sam, and I’m embarrassed so I’ll just come right out with it…’ Please do, he silently prayed. ‘I’m a virgin Sam, and I don’t want to be. I’ve had offers but I’ve never took anyone up on it. I want to sleep with someone like you Sam, someone normal, not a posh person, not the son of a lord or the grandson of a bloody MP, someone working class, I want you to fuck me Sam. Please. Just fuck me.’ ‘Well’ he slurred, ‘for a posh bird you have the mouth of sailor’. He heard the lyrics to Pulps ‘Common People’ crash though his mind. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing. Before he could move she had ripped her dress off, her large breast fell out of her loose fitting bra and she walked towards him. Panicked, he backed away but it was too late, she had him pinned against the wall. Her face was less than an inch away from his face, ‘you want to Sam, say you want to? I know you have a girlfriend but all I want is for you to take my flower’.
Who talks like that? He thought as she groped him through his trousers. He surprisingly grew hard to her touch which only confused him more. A thousand thoughts flashed through his head. He could have sex with her here and now, that would make him straight wouldn’t it? That would confirm it if he’d had sex with more than one woman he wouldn’t, couldn’t be gay. She pulled him over to the bed and pushed him back onto the most comfortable bed he had ever lay on. She clambered on top of him kissing him, kissing his neck. ‘I want this so bad Sam, so bad’. She fumbled with his jumper ripping it over his head She ran her clammy hands over his hairy chest, she kissed his stomach as she went down to his jeans. He lay there, hardly believing this was going to happen. The buttons on his jeans popped and she grabbed his cock. She started to toss him off, it hurt; she had definitely not done this before. ‘Ouch’ he cried pulling her back up away from his delicate member, ‘it’s a cock; you’re not pulling carrots’.
‘Sorry’ she whispered, ‘not had much practise’. She started to kiss his neck again but his erection was lost and he knew this couldn’t happen but before he could say anything she stopped and he heard snoring. He had never felt so relieved.
He walked out of her bedroom a few minutes later looking even more dishevelled and decided to get the hell out of that house before he got thrown out for looking like a vagrant.
He reached the bottom of the stairs and literally bumped into Liam. He got that feeling again, the pang of love he got every time their eyes met. He smiled and Liam smiled back. Sam had so much to say but of course none of it could leave his over saturated head so he just asked, ‘where’s Jo?’ ‘She’s left’ he replied, Sam grew suddenly excited at the news, ‘dodgy prawn I think, been really sick so I called her a taxi’. Sam didn’t ask why he hadn’t gone with her because in all honesty he didn’t really care. Liam looked so handsome; he had let his stubble grow over his perfectly chiselled jaw, he was wearing a tight fitting black suit with a white shirt, the top button casually undone, a tuft of dark chest hair had escaped from the top. Sam felt himself grow hard just looking at this man. He wanted him so bad it hurt. He blocked it from his mind and engaged in some useless chit chat until James came over and ruined the moment.
They spent a few hours catching up before Liam announced he was leaving. Sam felt a sadness he never knew existed but the offer of a lift home from Liam perked him up.
They drove much of the way in silence. Liam seemed to concentrate on driving, Sam sat looking out his passenger window watching the lights of the towns fly by. New Order’s True Faith came from the radio, low but loud enough for Sam to hear every word. He loved that song. They pulled up at some lights and he watched people go about their business. People walking hand in hand, a man closing his shop for the night, police walking around keeping the peace.
He wanted a normal life, to feel normal. To be happy.
‘So why have you never text me back’ Liam suddenly asked bringing Sam from his reverie. He didn’t sound pissed off, it was just a general comment. ‘No credit’ he lied, ‘sorry’ he added. ‘It’s ok’ he replied in that soft Irish tone he had, ‘but that wouldn’t have stopped you answering the phone’. Sam was glad it was dark or Liam would have seen him blush, his face so hot he could have powered a small town for an hour. They sat the rest of the way in silence. Eventually Liam pulled up outside Sam’s parent’s house. Sam sat there making no attempt to leave and Liam made no attempt to make him. After an age Liam finally broke the silence. ‘Sam, its obvious there’s something on your mind. You’re really distant lately, well you have always been kind of distant, a closed book my mom calls you, but you seem miles away tonight and you’re sat right next to me’. Sam could feel the tears well in his eyes again, he daren’t turn around. ‘I’m not asking you to tell me, all I’m saying is, well… I’m here for you if you need me. You’re my best mate’. Sam bit down on his lip begging himself not to cry, he could feel his body shake in silence as he frantically tried to compose himself. He needed to get out the car, if Liam pushed this he would break him and he would end up saying something that would not only ruin this friendship but the rest of his life as well. Liam placed his hand on Sam’s leg. He flinched at the touch, no man had touched him like that since that afternoon at school. He pulled himself together, the thought of that day ruining the moment. ‘I’m OK Liam, I promise, I’ll try to be a better friend. I promise.’ He opened the door and got out, turning to face his best friend, ‘Merry Christmas Liam’ she whispered, ‘Merry Christmas Sam’ Liam replied with a smile, ‘and love to Sally from me’. With that Sam shut the door and walked towards the house. All the lights were off and he was happy, he needed to be alone, not have his mom firing two hundred gin fuelled questions at him. He turned and waved watching Liam drive away into the cold, dark December night.
The tears finally escaped from his eyes, unable to hold them in any longer. He walked into the dark hallway and broke down on the bottom of the stairs. He sobbed harder than he had in a long time, so hard his stomach began to hurt. He pushed his hair back across his head and held himself there for what seemed like ages until he could cry no more.
He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to feel this way but however he looked at it one thing remained. He was deeply, hopelessly head over heels in love with his best friend.
Liam drove away from Sam’s feeling sad for his friend. Ever since he met Sam he had a feeling that he must have had a hard time growing up. He never spoke about his childhood or school and when it was brought up he would do anything to change the subject. He always had that defeated look in his eyes, like it was hard work just being alive. Liam never pushed him to talk about things, he was odd and that’s all there was to it, but that was Sam and he wouldn’t have changed him because when he wasn’t being guarded and he managed to relax, even if it was just for a few hours, he was the nicest and kindest person he had ever met. He had a fantastic dry sense of humour that never failed to make Liam laugh even when it wasn’t supposed to be funny.
Liam had never had many friends at school, he worked hard and kept himself to himself and then he worked weekends and school holidays in the restaurant with him mom and sisters. It was nice to have such a good mate in the form of Sam. They had so much in common and Liam just enjoyed being with him. It hurt him to see such a good friend in pain but he didn’t want to push him or force the issue, he would just make it clear that he was there for him if he needed someone to speak to and leave it at that.
Christmas came and went without much drama. Sam’s Nan Betty had Christmas with them as usual and as usual she was nothing but inappropriate and rude throughout. She suffered from dementia, but Sam’s dad said that didn’t excuse the things she said. She called his dad John, his mom’s ex boyfriend from the nineteen o ockers, which she had always done, she told his sister she was fat when she was seven stone wet and told Sam he was wasting his time at university and to get a proper job. It was all nothing new so they just let her get on with it, topped her up with sherry until she fell asleep in front of the fire. That was Christmas day at the Dent’s in a nutshell.
Term time finally came back around and things carried on as normal. Sam felt a little bit better, he was getting on with Sally again which had more to do with the fact they hardly saw each other than anything else. He threw himself back into his studies and started to work hard at getting his grades back to what they were supposed to be.
‘Right class, listen up’ bellowed their lecturer Dr Fellows. He was an odd looking man, short, thin, balding and it was a debate as to whether he was actually a doctor, no one knew what his doctorate was in and he would never elaborate. He had a nauseating voice akin to the scrapping of nails across a chalk board and no one looked forward to his lectures as they seemed to be more about him and his family life then anything to do with English literature.
‘I wanted to let you all know we have organised a trip for you all to Oxford for a long weekend in May. We will be staying in one of Oxford universities colleges and will give you the opportunity to take in some lectures on Shakespeare and then have a civilised few days soaking up the culture Oxford offers. Please let me know who wants to attend, I need a fifty pound deposit and you need someone to share a room with’. The room burst into chatter drowning out anything else Dr Fellows had to say as he rambled on about himself oblivious to the fact he had lost his audience.
‘So Sam’ Liam shouted over the noise, ‘shall we bunk up together?’ A huge smile took over Sam’s face, he couldn’t wait for May.
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